A mother's letter - III

My dear daughter,

Yes! It’s that time of the year again. Yet another year has gone by as you turn three today. A year of challenges, a year of plethora of emotions, a year of trial and tribulations, a year of exploration and discovery.  Being an Indian mother, my conscience doesn’t allow me to write about my failures or weak moments as a mother. We mothers are expected to be ‘super moms’ at all times and failure of doing so puts us at a risk of being called ‘poor moms’.

I don’t really care about how and what the world thinks about me as a mother but it matters to me how you, who means the world to me, when you grow up will think about me. How would you react when you, who look up at your mom for every little thing now, know that your mom is not what you thought her to be. Yes, when you learn the truth that I’m not exactly a monster that you thought me to be all these years. I know it will be the moment of awakening for you and will shatter all your delusions about your mom(me) being the villain in your life. Can’t wait for that moment to turn to reality. Someday. Soon.

Sometimes, if truth be told, I’m loaded with this enormous baggage of guilt when I yell at you, punish you, stop talking to you, get insanely furious at you for not listening or obeying me or for not being the ‘perfect’ model mother that everyone expects me to be. In our country, where certain celebrity moms are busy showing off their impeccable mommydom while juggling the same along with their high-profile career, we normal moms come under constant scrutiny and thereby inevitable comparisons, more so if we are stay at home moms. I seriously wonder, are these kinds of moms, celebrity or not, who appear to be perfect in every way, for real? Well, I don’t know for sure about that but if yes, then hats-off to all those super moms who are a perfect example of being an idyllic mom and never loses it, ever. Unfortunately, your mom does not fall in that category and is not a perfect mom. I have my weak mommy moments and lose it completely when dealing with your supersonic tantrums or be it your ongoing potty training journey which seems endless or when you decide to go on a food/milk strike just because we want to play stubborn or when your tiny yet headstrong mind acts according to its own whims disregarding anything or anyone who comes in its way. It’s not that I didn’t try, I tried but in vain. I realized that I needed the patience of a saint to deal with all this but unfortunately I was no saint. I comprehended that I needed to focus on changing myself and reload myself with inner strength and peace instead of focusing on taming down your rebellious and aggressive nature. Though I still need to figure out a way to do it successfully. In the meantime, I hope you’ll forgive me for all my shortcomings, imperfections and misdeeds during your growing up years. I promise and strive to be a better mother to you in the coming years. One that you’ll be proud of some day. A perfect mom.

And yes, as part of our unspoken pact, below is the heartfelt poem that I wrote for you on your birthday, which perfectly reflects my sentiments in the letter ..

Today is the day you made me a mother,

Since then my life revolved around no one otherr
The first two years went by swift and smooth,

Until u entered the terrible two's
Last year was a roller coaster ride,
With ups and down like waves of the tide
The school started off with a minor glitch,

Which soon turned out to be a major switch
Sometimes the days seemed longer with your tantrums,

And at times you surprised us by being in doldrums
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I hide
But when you need me I'll always be by your side
Day after day you never cease to astound us,

The way you pick and learn new things around us
One thing that i don’t want you to change ever is your never die attitude,

It will lead you to a life full of fortitude
I'm the body and you are my soul,

Without you my life is just not whole
As you complete your third birthday,

I wish to surround you with all the more love, care & happiness and become a better mother to U!

Love forever,

Your Mom.

P.S. -  Darling, I may have changed in these past 15 years and I might have achieved my goal of being a perfect mom to you, but just want to let you know that somethings never change. So whilst you are getting ready for your first date tonight be very sure that your mom is watching your every move and can turn back into my momster mode if need be. So sweetie, behave yourself and remember I'm always AROUND you. Always. Love you and enjoy your date night! *Evil mom grin*